This is question that I constantly see on tumblr: Do you live or just exist? And that made me think, a lot.. Is that really what we are doing here on this planet? Just exist and wasting our time with this we don’t like, waiting until our time is up?! You can see this in many ways, like going to school and work that you don’t like or hanging on the couch. But I don’t think that that’s really what they meant.. I think it is more by chasing your dreams, and never take NO for an answer.
There are things in this world that you want, like traveling, living a expensive life, big cars and all that kind of luxury. But think about it first, why do you want that?! Because it is pretty? Or because other people think that is pretty? Because we all decided that driving a big car is awesome. But is that really what makes you happy? Or is it because you think it makes you happy? If you start thinking very deep by what do you really want?… It is all about being valued, you want people to like you and that people see you and accept you. But that car doesn’t make you happy, being yourself makes you happy. If people like you for who you are isn’t that the best feeling ever? Isn’t that much better than having all these luxury, and that is (most of the time) the only reason why people like you. This is the first step of all, WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?! What is YOUR dream? And what makes YOU truly happy?
And this is something that I am struggling with for weeks maybe months, I don’t know what I want… But I do know that I want to live, and I am not going waste my time here until I die and regret how I lived. And that is why I also made this blog/website. This is what I want and this is what I like to do. Writing about my thoughts that nobody around me understand. I love it, and I can do it everywhere.
And when I found this story on http://www.jayalvarrez.com
I was shocked. But that is reality, we always regret things when it is too late. That why I want to share this with you guys.
Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed
“I had to share this with anyone bit of a read but let it spark you, It was only 4-5 years ago I truly stopped letting other heavily influence me & let there thoughts & what they say mean nothing to me, And the point where I started expressing my self to people and it truly shined threw to show me who my real friends were and who i blended well with.. Always remember this one.. the ones who matter don’t mind and the ones that mind don’t matter..” – @Jayalvarrez
“For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality”
I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
If you really want something, work for it, you can make it happen. “If you can dream it, you can get it” Enjoy every little thing in life, make time for your children, your parents, family, friends and forgive. Everybody and everything that you love and who makes you happy. Because in the end that is all that matter. All the weight-loss, little bitch fights and I am ugly problems are nothing. Stop waisting your time on that, and live your life so you can be happy and proud that you made that happen. Write your own history. & again, enjoy every minute of your life. Don’t worry about others or little problems, it is only you and the ones you love.
I will make more posts about this, if you have questions you can always asked them on tumblr.